:))

Saturday, July 31, 2004

'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'

Somehow i wish to have the sweet memories erased away. This is all too painful for me to bear. I wished you weren't so nice to me. But when you're not, i feel so hurt, so upset. I do not know what i want. Then again, maybe i do. Either one of us or the both of us have to get another partner.

To my future unknown partner
I'm sorry. I just needed an outlet for this feeling but rest assured that i did fall for you. If not, i wouldn't have choosen you. Once again, I'm sorry.

I hate myself...take that blade and stick it into my heart. The physical pain will over rule all other senses and i'll take comfort from seeing crimson red...life...flowing out of me.

-iWrote 7/31/2004 03:36:00 PM

Sunday, July 25, 2004

I must still be trying to run away

On Wednesday, I decided to solve my problem immediately thus a resolution was made. But sadly enough, i came to realise that it only solved my problem for that period of time. Now it has made me either very detached or very implusive. For example, I felt so terrible when Karen did a few things to me and i had totally no feeling of it at all (please don't start thinking in another sense). Only before she came back from the bathroom did i realise what had happened or rather i had this feeling on my cheek that told me i had been kissed. I turned around and asked her did she kiss me and the answer was yes. I felt so upset almost immediately. How could i not have sensed it? I wasn't that engrossed in replying my friend's mail and that short period of time seemed to have disappeared all together. It seem as though it didn't even existed. I want to remember the things that you do and all the feelings i have. Oh gawd..please let me feel it once more..please??

Ikea and my Granddad

Went to Ikea with my mum this late morning and my granddad drove us there. Taking his rides always makes me feel like it's gonna be my last ride. He stops in the middle of the road, speeds up then cuts into other people's lanes even when we told him that he has to keep to either one side of the road very very much earlier. Insists that he is right about where he's supposed to drive when he's not. Drives as though he's driving a lorry (well he used to). Can't wait patiently for a seat at the Ikea restuarant. Shoved his food down his throat when he doesn't even do that at all..until today. Told me and my cousins to finish up the remaining 1 1/2 pieces of chicken (1 drumlet and a very pathetic piece of breastmeat in exact) when we were so full. He then said he will pack up the remaining chicken if we don't eat it, so we had no choice but to gobble it down since it would be so embarrassing to pack the 2 pathetic pieces of chicken. Conclusion?? I dislike going out with my granddad. Makes me so freaking stressed up and unhappy.

Mum

She's gonna open a dessert stall at a factory canteen. All her tuition will be pushed to late afternoon and she's already starting to pack all the books. She don't wish to continue giving tuition. Kids nowadays are so terrible. TV is bad influence for kids. I'm glad coz i always hated all the students. They make my home look and feel like a hostel. Not that i'm saying a hostel is bad..but it's my home afterall right?? somewhere where i can be myself but with them around..i need to continue with my pretentious courtesy, smiles and all. Soon after i graduate, she'll be a full time hawker..yeah..no more students..so i've to study smart and pass all my papers..4 more mths..I CAN DO IT!!! haahaahaa... =)

-iWrote 7/25/2004 05:19:00 PM

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Torn

Wishing so badly, it hurts. Sometimes things will never always stay the way you wish for them to be. Do you no longer feel that you love or is it just simply becaused you've gotten too used to my presence? I feel like a angel without wings..or a pixie's wing ravaged by beasts. Striped bare of everything i use to conceal myself. Now i stand here, with my naked heart, bleeding...and afraid...

a song that says the way i feel....

Please don't say I love you,
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
And please don't come so close
it just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't bring me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say
Don't try to understand me
your hands already know too much anyway
It just makes me want to make you near me always
And when you look in my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please, 'cause
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth

Jewel-Pieces of You; Track 5-Near You Always

-iWrote 7/20/2004 01:41:00 PM

Monday, July 19, 2004

The time factor

Everyone's honeymoon period would be different. Some might be as short as a few days or weeks, some others might be a few years..some have a never ending honeymoon period (but that seldom or never happens). And i've come to realise that a few factors will result in the duration of your honeymoon period.

The amount of time the both of you spend together (too much or too little is not advisable..must strike a balance..just like cooking eh..too much salt or sugar den your dish will be spoilt..no one will wanna eat it..haahaa..pun intended??)
The number of common topics you guys have (the lesser the better..there'll be more things to talk about..other than just "oh..movie ended..nice?")
The activities that the both of you do everytime you guys meet up (a greater variety would be helpful or maybe just doing sports together..)
How much do you know about your partner (if u know too little, misunderstandings will happen..but if u know too much..oh well..like wat they always say..yin liao jie e fen kai..meaning..because you know each other too well, it get a little impossible to carry on..so everyone must xiang jian ru bing..haahaa..i dunno how to explain that..)

That'll be all for now..will top up the list when i get more ideas..ah...revelation..thanks to my darling xiaomei, peiyi (come come everyone..give her a round of applause.. =P haahaa..i'm gonna get killed for this..).

hmm..just to make it easier for my readers (whether u like it or not..) i'll change the colour of the fonts when i top up the list..haahaahaa...come on...i'm trying to help everyone..I'M TRYING TO BE NICE!! i ain't nice..just trying..i'm a witch..haahaa..tt explains why i love my cat so much..muack!!

oh...talking bout being a witch...i think i really am a witch's reincarnation...my curses do happen k..i just need to get irritated enough by you and get so pissed off that i go shotting curses off my tongue..and it really did happen k..let me bring you back to Oct 1996.......(time machine spinning...you're suppose to be spinning your head too..BL**DY HELL..SPIN YOUR HEAD!!! haahaahaa....ok...u can stop now..)

Was on this China immersion trip to Beijing, Shanghai and Suzhou with supposedly 2 other schools..(1 of the schools opted out of the trip at the very last minute..so it's just my sch and another) Since my primary is a all girls' school..there was a majority of girls. The other is a cohort school and this poor poor boy..was the only guy. Well..he wasn't supposed to be the only one..but the school that pulled out from the trip was a all boys' sch..(ah...so sad..haaha) Anyways..he started pissing me off the moment we met..from the departure hall to the plane and all the way to the hostel at Beijing..

ok..let me give all of u an idea of how long he irritated me for the 1st day..the entire flight [we had to transit], waiting at the departure halls, Singapore and Shanghai, dinner and i have no idea wat time we reached the hostel but it was almost 24 hours.

How can anyone tk it..especially someone who has a short fuse like me..but he didn't stop..the next two days were worse..he f**king thinks he's so smart, he goes ard conversing in what-he-thinks-is perfect chinese with the students and teachers there..and every chinese he talked to there was laughing at his pathetic chinese..(oh gawd...what a disgrace..) my friend even beat him to a one to one basketball game..(maybe coz he was like 1 1/2 heads shorter than her...haahaa..) ok..that's not impt..

One fine morning...we were all gathered at the gathering area on the level that we were staying and patiently waiting for our teacher to arrive (of course we needed our own sch teachers to be there..some guardian thingy..) he then said something very irritating and it was directed at us (i.e. me and my grp of friends...ok..that's like almost all of us). i got so pissed i wanted to wack the living daylights out of him..(yes yes...very violent...) but i didn't..all i did was to scream curses at him when i was gonna go down the stairs..(note: he was already on the last flight of steps and there were like 6 flights..) and surprise surprise...he fell down the stairs and hurt himself..my curse worked..

come on...stop saying it is just coincidence...how can it always be coincidental when it happened a few times and each time was a different person..try working out the probability..hmm...not possible...

Conclusion?? I'm a witch..dun believe?? i don't care...you better believe...if not...i'll put curses on you...muahahahahahahahahaha!!!! *faintz*

-iWrote 7/19/2004 11:45:00 AM

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Escapism

Welcome to my blog. Let me first explain the name of my blog before i start with what i want to blog about. Taken from Random House, Webster's Concise Dictionary, 2nd edition, escapism (es.cap'ism) n. is the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or fantasy.

There is an upcoming forum held by SP during the holidays and those interested will have to sign up for it. But not everyone that signs up will be going for it. You see..this forum will be held in Bangkok for 3 days straight after the opening ceremony in the school auditorium. So everyone who has signed up will be interviewed and all. But of course..how could they possibly interview a few hundered of us from all the departments in SP. Therefore i've come to a conclusion that they will first pick out the students with above average grades (i.e. those with distinctions, As and Bs) and then from there, they will pick the best from the interviews. But my friend, Justin, beg to differ. He said that getting excellent grades doesn't mean that they are able to speak smartly and give smart questions and answers. I agree but that's the way the school works for all these immersion trips, overseas student exchange and forums. Forward students do not stand a chance. No matter how interested we might be. Sad but true.

-iWrote 7/18/2004 09:44:00 AM